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You have to pick your battles.

I heard that expression many times after becoming a mom. And I'd always nod my head in agreement.

On the surface, I understood that sentiment. But in the depths of my subconscious, I picked ALL of my battles. I didn't let any go. I had to win every argument. Always be right.

My intense grip on life wasn't a problem until my child brought it to light. In her 4yr old way, she taught me that I was a control freak. I could deny it no longer. I had to face my demons and change for my family's sake.

It's crazy because control is a basic human need, but too much control becomes problematic. Control freaks have a hard time defining the parameters. You need control in the sense of having agency, yet also need to surrender to the things that are outside of your control.

Being a control freak looks like being fiercely independent; having trust issues; not asking for help; the need to always be right; placing productivity above everything else; avoiding emotions...

We're all guilty of berating ourselves for not sticking to a plan. We loudly critique ourselves for not achieving a goal. The inner monologue goes something like, "You have no willpower! Why can't you just do the damn thing?! You slacked off and are unmotivated."

These horrible things that you say to yourself never provide motivation nor stimulus for improved action. They just make you miserable. So you vow to do better next time and pay lip service to giving yourself grace.

What's really important to make lasting change is to keep your self-talk positive. It's time to show the same compassion you show to your friends to YOURSELF.

Because it's the new year, you're likely focused on your goals. Yet, it's the actions and habits you take consistently that help you achieve your goals. The Kindness Method by Shahroo Izadi provides guidance on the compassionate way to change your habits. The book outlines "maps" that help you plan for situations where you may be tempted to self-sabotage o...

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree...or does it?

In the case of me and my daughter, we couldn't be more different. She is loud, goofy, hates reading, and can't stand to be alone. I am quiet, reserved, a total bookworm, and love my alone time.

While our differences may seem typical on the surface, it's completely affected how I parent. I regularly tell her how loud she is. I have to bribe her with iPad time to get her reading homework done. I have to constantly remind her to keep eating during meals because she will make a game out of anything that's sitting on the table.

Parenting is challenging. And it's even more exhausting when you're an introverted parent and your child isn't. It's a battle that results in feeling stressed and out of control for the parent, and feeling unseen for the child.

Right now, you may not even be aware that you're trying to get your child to be quieter because that's what YOU desire. Sometimes you have to hear something many times until it lands t...

One of the strengths of introverts is thinking things through and weighing risks before acting. This serves us in not making hasty decisions. However, we have a tendency to think too much and get stuck in one of the forms of overthinking:

Analysis paralysis

Perfectionism

Rumination

Overthinking is a hidden culprit that contributes to low energy. The mental load of weighing options, what ifs, and making decisions completely wears you out. But you're not doomed to constantly be a prisoner in your head. You can learn strategies to keep the chatter at bay. So what can you do to stop overthinking everything?

Know Your Values

First, know what your values are. It's much easier to make a decision when it's in alignment with your values. For example, I value knowledge, down time, and honesty, amongst other things. So investing in books, courses, and coaches is an easy yes for me because it increases my knowledge and helps me grow.

I also value rest and an unbusy schedule. So I purposeful...

Seriously though...

Three years ago I wrote in my journal, "How do you make friends as an adult and introvert?"

I've been pondering that question ever since.

I work from home and love being home so much that I really have to make an effort to even leave my house. So when I heard about the book, Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make - and Keep - Friends, I knew I had to read it. And it deeply resonated.

Marisa Franco, author and psychologist, explains that there are 3 types of attachment: secure, anxious, and avoidant. These attachment styles show up in all relationships, not just romantic ones. If friendship is hard, this is enlightening information.

There's a quiz in the book you can take to determine which type you are. I love any sort of assessment that can tell me more about my personality! Turns out, I'm the avoidant type. Avoidant attachment means you think you don't need anyone and keep others at a distance. You subconsciously push others away and aren...

Introvert is almost synonymous with overthinking. Which is why the book, Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It, immediately grabbed my attention simply when I saw the title. I highly recommend it because it delivered with scientifically backed yet practical ideas for quieting that persistent voice. It's written by Ethan Kross who is a professor at the University of Michigan.

We always want the voice in our head to speak kindly and quietly, but so often it gets caught in a negative loop. The voice exists to protect us...from saber-toothed tigers. It's now one those slow to evolve parts of our brain that still serves a purpose like sensing real danger but is stuck in unnecessary hyperdrive.

We need a way (or several) to manage the negative voice. So here are 5 ways to reduce head chatter according to the book.

1) Journal - Writing expressively about your feelings about a negative situation is a great way to clear the mind clutter. If you have a tendency...

I'm a book lover and lean heavily towards personal development/self help books. For the past few years, I've been using books to discover who I am and understand my personality. While I've known since 7th grade that I'm an introvert, there is so much more to personality, mindset, and behavior. These books have all been part of my self-discovery journey and I hope they will help you too. So without further ado, I recommend reading these top 10 personal development books for introverts!

Captivate
by Vanessa Van Edwards

This book is dedicated to anyone who feels socially awkward. (Raises hand) It had lots of good examples of how to read people and to make yourself more attractive in social situations. Not in the pretty sense, but in the interesting sense.

My big takeaway was that even if you don't agree with something the person you're talking to said, you can still be curious about it and ask what it is that they like about the subject. For example, I often go to networking meetings i...

When I was growing up and would tell my mom that someone had called me a name or had said something mean to me, my mom would always respond with "just say: sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." And while I understood the concept of not letting mean comments get to me, it didn't work in reality. It still hurt.

I didn't know it then, but what I was really seeking from my mom was empathy. An understanding from her that I felt bad. But instead, my feelings were brushed off...as usual. We just didn't do emotions in my family. While the 5 of us managed to eat dinner together every night, our conversations were never about how we felt. My parents were emotionally unavailable.

This explains why I've been so interested in learning about emotions lately - because I never experienced them. What I thought was an interest in personality has expanded into understanding emotional regulation and behavior.

The weird thing is that I don't remember my childhood before th...

Once you've discovered that you're an introvert, it's time to start shaping your reality according to your true nature.

Introversion is your energetic trait, meaning you get drained by socializing and need to recharge your energy by being away from people.

Real talk: being scared and procrastinating due to fear or anxiety are not introverted traits. They're human emotional responses that we can change. Successful introverts are scared, but take action anyway. Fear and worry do not hold them back, nor are they defined by it.

Just as societal conditioning will lead you to believe that introverts are unfriendly and uninterested, the popular belief about success is that it's achieved when you have a large house, a vacation home, a couple expensive cars, and the list of material possessions goes on.

Yet how you define success is unique to you. Most people define success as making a certain amount of money. That's a goal more than a measure of success. And when that goal is reached, wh...

What's your worst fear about social media? Is it that you'll get judged and people will make fun of you?

Turns out that my worst fear is the possibility of offending people. I never knew this about myself until it smacked me in the face and became reality.

See, I posted a Reel on Instagram and within minutes it was generating likes and comments. As the comments starting coming in, my heart began to sink. One said my Reel was "mean spirited." Another said I was "basically bullying."

For background, I had made a video explaining the various personality types of the people who hang out at the school crosswalk. There's me and several other people who, depending on the day, either chat or just hang quietly. There's the mom with an infant and toddler who's likely exhausted and stands at the very edge clearly not wanting to engage with anyone. And there's the crossing guard who is super talkative and never fails to discuss the weather.

Can you guess who the introverts and extroverts are?