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I love reading self help books because the insights they provide are like therapy. I find such value in understanding how our minds work. In 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do by Amy Morin, I learned that the negative self-talk that infiltrates our minds actually has categories.

These were a-ha moments for me and I think you'll recognize some of these as well. We all fall prey to chastising ourselves, but it's something we can get better at. It takes awareness first. Having the awareness that you're doing it allows you the opportunity to course correct. You can shift your mindset to more positive.

When you're not as consistent with your goals as you had promised yourself, it's important to say what you really want to happen; not what you don't want. Speaking negatively invites negativity. Speaking positively attracts what you actually want. That's because your thoughts become your reality. And self doubt can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So when self doubt starts to creep...

We're all guilty of berating ourselves for not sticking to a plan. We loudly critique ourselves for not achieving a goal. The inner monologue goes something like, "You have no willpower! Why can't you just do the damn thing?! You slacked off and are unmotivated."

These horrible things that you say to yourself never provide motivation nor stimulus for improved action. They just make you miserable. So you vow to do better next time and pay lip service to giving yourself grace.

What's really important to make lasting change is to keep your self-talk positive. It's time to show the same compassion you show to your friends to YOURSELF.

Because it's the new year, you're likely focused on your goals. Yet, it's the actions and habits you take consistently that help you achieve your goals. The Kindness Method by Shahroo Izadi provides guidance on the compassionate way to change your habits. The book outlines "maps" that help you plan for situations where you may be tempted to self-sabotage...

What's your worst fear about social media? Is it that you'll get judged and people will make fun of you?

Turns out that my worst fear is the possibility of offending people. I never knew this about myself until it smacked me in the face and became reality.

See, I posted a Reel on Instagram and within minutes it was generating likes and comments. As the comments starting coming in, my heart began to sink. One said my Reel was "mean spirited." Another said I was "basically bullying."

For background, I had made a video explaining the various personality types of the people who hang out at the school crosswalk. There's me and several other people who, depending on the day, either chat or just hang quietly. There's the mom with an infant and toddler who's likely exhausted and stands at the very edge clearly not wanting to engage with anyone. And there's the crossing guard who is super talkative and never fails to discuss the weather.

Can you guess who the introverts and extroverts are?

...

I'm not a country or blues music fan, but Chris Stapleton fascinates me.

I remember seeing him perform on an awards show (I think it was the Grammys) years ago. At that time, there was a woman standing on stage near Chris as he performed. She wasn't a backup singer nor dancer. She was just standing there. And I thought, what in the world is she doing?!

Well, it turns out that lady is Chris's wife. Chris had so much performance anxiety that he needed his wife to be present on stage for him to stay grounded. She was apparently doing this at all his concerts.

I found myself saying "maybe he's chosen the wrong career if he's that uncomfortable performing in front of people."

But I recently saw Chris perform on the Grammys again. This time, his wife was not on stage. And I watched him closely. He sang amazingly! Very soulful. He never once looked out at the crowd. And he didn't make eye contact with the camera.

I went to his Wikipedia page to find out more about his personality, but...

There is a stereotype that plagues many introverts:  that introverts are aloof.  And you have to peel off many layers of protection before revealing the tender core of an introvert.  Many introverts just don't "do" emotions.  Yet, being a human means experiencing emotions.

Ignoring our emotions is a protection mechanism.  It's also taking the easy way out rather than dealing with hard things.

Introverts typically want to blend in.  Speaking up and standing out means judgement, anxiety, and stress.  So it's easier to stay in the shadows where you can't experience unwanted emotions.

The ISTJs, Enneagram 1s, and perfectionists can agree that we tend to believe that vulnerability is weakness.  In fact, any emotion that pulls on the heartstrings often gets pushed aside.

Introverts also have big dreams.  Big dreams require courage and confidence to step outside of your comfort zone.  So how do you put your tendencies aside and put yourself...

The comfort zone is so attractive isn't it?  It's safe, easy, secure, and cozy.  Why would you ever want to leave the comfort zone?!

Because you know deep down that growth does not exist in the comfort zone.  Your big dreams will not be achieved by staying in the comfort zone.

We know this.  And so we tend to push ourselves outside of our comfort zones....often pushing too hard and ending up in the panic zone. 

Case in point: you've no doubt heard that video is the future.  So you muster up all your courage and force yourself to go live on Facebook.  It's stressful!  And you don't feel good about it after.  Then and there you decide that video is not for you.  You end up in the panic zone - exhausted & overwhelmed - and probably suffer the introvert hangover too.  The panic zone is no bueno!

The issue here is that you completely skipped the learning zone.  You went 0-60mph instead of 0-30mph.  The learning...

Do you get butterflies in your stomach when you think about telling a client how to buy from you? Anxiety around talking and selling to potential customers really holds back the income you are making in your business. This video shares 4 steps to have more confident conversations.

Step 1: How to manage anxiety

Step 2:  Reframe your expectations

Steps 3: Know the outcomes/benefits of working with you

Step 4:  Plan your questions in advance

If you are ready to increase your confidence to put yourself out there and make more sales, check out the Confident Conversations training.