The 3-Step Process to Become Who You Are

introversion success Mar 14, 2023

I’m the most boring person you’ll ever meet. My idea of a perfect Friday evening is ordering carry-out, vegging in front of the TV, and going to bed by 10pm.

Now you may think that sounds like adulting…so let me clarify. What I’m watching on TV is Cesar Milan’s: Better Human Better Dog. In case you haven't seen it, it’s about the psychology of training dogs. And as further proof of my boring status, I read books about neuroscience for pleasure. I’m a proud nerd!

That’s a glimpse into my personality and for as long as I can remember, I’ve always been this way. My personality is a homebody who loves to learn. In high school, I preferred to stay home and avoided large parties in favor of being with 1-2 friends.

My junior year of high school, my mom came home from parent teacher conferences and told me that my French teacher wanted me to raise my hand more in class. I was getting an A in the class, but apparently that wasn’t...

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How to Be Vulnerable

clarity introversion stress Mar 01, 2023

I recently read the book, I Heart Me - The Science of Self-Love by David Hamilton. Inside, it says that you can't truly be authentic if you can't be vulnerable. Man, that hit me hard.

How can you be real if you're hiding parts of your story? Those experiences have shaped who you are.

We all want to be accepted so we mold ourselves to fit what we think society wants from us. We assume that our negative experiences are unique. And we lock away anything that might make us seem vulnerable.

As a recovering perfectionist, it's taken me years of personal development work to show my vulnerable side. When I started working with my life and business coach 5 years ago, I would only discuss business. No personal stuff. No emotions.

Any topic that might trigger tears was 100% unacceptable in my mind. Crying meant you're weak/incapable. Yet I had hired my coach after experiencing a huge financial loss and business setback. There were definitely emotions that needed to be address, but I would not...

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When You're an Introverted Parent and Your Child Isn't

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree...or does it?

In the case of me and my daughter, we couldn't be more different. She is loud, goofy, hates reading, and can't stand to be alone. I am quiet, reserved, a total bookworm, and love my alone time.

While our differences may seem typical on the surface, it's completely affected how I parent. I regularly tell her how loud she is. I have to bribe her with iPad time to get her reading homework done. I have to constantly remind her to keep eating during meals because she will make a game out of anything that's sitting on the table.

Parenting is challenging. And it's even more exhausting when you're an introverted parent and your child isn't. It's a battle that results in feeling stressed and out of control for the parent, and feeling unseen for the child.

Right now, you may not even be aware that you're trying to get your child to be quieter because that's what YOU desire. Sometimes you have to hear something many times until it lands...

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How to Stop Overthinking Everything

One of the strengths of introverts is thinking things through and weighing risks before acting. This serves us in not making hasty decisions. However, we have a tendency to think too much and get stuck in one of the forms of overthinking:

Analysis paralysis



Overthinking is a hidden culprit that contributes to low energy. The mental load of weighing options, what ifs, and making decisions completely wears you out. But you're not doomed to constantly be a prisoner in your head. You can learn strategies to keep the chatter at bay. So what can you do to stop overthinking everything?

Know Your Values

First, know what your values are. It's much easier to make a decision when it's in alignment with your values. For example, I value knowledge, down time, and honesty, amongst other things. So investing in books, courses, and coaches is an easy yes for me because it increases my knowledge and helps me grow.

I also value rest and an unbusy schedule. So I...

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How Introverts Make Friends

books introversion Nov 03, 2022

Seriously though...

Three years ago I wrote in my journal, "How do you make friends as an adult and introvert?"

I've been pondering that question ever since.

I work from home and love being home so much that I really have to make an effort to even leave my house. So when I heard about the book, Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make - and Keep - Friends, I knew I had to read it. And it deeply resonated.

Marisa Franco, author and psychologist, explains that there are 3 types of attachment: secure, anxious, and avoidant. These attachment styles show up in all relationships, not just romantic ones. If friendship is hard, this is enlightening information.

There's a quiz in the book you can take to determine which type you are. I love any sort of assessment that can tell me more about my personality! Turns out, I'm the avoidant type. Avoidant attachment means you think you don't need anyone and keep others at a distance. You subconsciously push others away and aren't...

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5 Ways to Reduce Head Chatter

books introversion stress Oct 19, 2022

Introvert is almost synonymous with overthinking. Which is why the book, Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It, immediately grabbed my attention simply when I saw the title. I highly recommend it because it delivered with scientifically backed yet practical ideas for quieting that persistent voice. It's written by Ethan Kross who is a professor at the University of Michigan.

We always want the voice in our head to speak kindly and quietly, but so often it gets caught in a negative loop. The voice exists to protect us...from saber-toothed tigers. It's now one those slow to evolve parts of our brain that still serves a purpose like sensing real danger but is stuck in unnecessary hyperdrive.

We need a way (or several) to manage the negative voice. So here are 5 ways to reduce head chatter according to the book.

1) Journal - Writing expressively about your feelings about a negative situation is a great way to clear the mind clutter. If you have a tendency...

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Top 10 Personal Development Books for Introverts

books introversion Aug 30, 2022

I'm a book lover and lean heavily towards personal development/self help books. For the past few years, I've been using books to discover who I am and understand my personality. While I've known since 7th grade that I'm an introvert, there is so much more to personality, mindset, and behavior. These books have all been part of my self-discovery journey and I hope they will help you too. So without further ado, I recommend reading these top 10 personal development books for introverts!

by Vanessa Van Edwards

This book is dedicated to anyone who feels socially awkward. (Raises hand) It had lots of good examples of how to read people and to make yourself more attractive in social situations. Not in the pretty sense, but in the interesting sense.

My big takeaway was that even if you don't agree with something the person you're talking to said, you can still be curious about it and ask what it is that they like about the subject. For example, I often go to networking meetings...

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How to Live a Successful Introverted Life

Once you've discovered that you're an introvert, it's time to start shaping your reality according to your true nature.

Introversion is your energetic trait, meaning you get drained by socializing and need to recharge your energy by being away from people.

Real talk: being scared and procrastinating due to fear or anxiety are not introverted traits. They're human emotional responses that we can change. Successful introverts are scared, but take action anyway. Fear and worry do not hold them back, nor are they defined by it.

Just as societal conditioning will lead you to believe that introverts are unfriendly and uninterested, the popular belief about success is that it's achieved when you have a large house, a vacation home, a couple expensive cars, and the list of material possessions goes on.

Yet how you define success is unique to you. Most people define success as making a certain amount of money. That's a goal more than a measure of success. And when that goal is reached, what...

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Becoming Introvert Friendly

What's your worst fear about social media? Is it that you'll get judged and people will make fun of you?

Turns out that my worst fear is the possibility of offending people. I never knew this about myself until it smacked me in the face and became reality.

See, I posted a Reel on Instagram and within minutes it was generating likes and comments. As the comments starting coming in, my heart began to sink. One said my Reel was "mean spirited." Another said I was "basically bullying."

For background, I had made a video explaining the various personality types of the people who hang out at the school crosswalk. There's me and several other people who, depending on the day, either chat or just hang quietly. There's the mom with an infant and toddler who's likely exhausted and stands at the very edge clearly not wanting to engage with anyone. And there's the crossing guard who is super talkative and never fails to discuss the weather.

Can you guess who the introverts and extroverts are?


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Healthy Ways to Manage Negative Emotions

I'm not a country or blues music fan, but Chris Stapleton fascinates me.

I remember seeing him perform on an awards show (I think it was the Grammys) years ago. At that time, there was a woman standing on stage near Chris as he performed. She wasn't a backup singer nor dancer. She was just standing there. And I thought, what in the world is she doing?!

Well, it turns out that lady is Chris's wife. Chris had so much performance anxiety that he needed his wife to be present on stage for him to stay grounded. She was apparently doing this at all his concerts.

I found myself saying "maybe he's chosen the wrong career if he's that uncomfortable performing in front of people."

But I recently saw Chris perform on the Grammys again. This time, his wife was not on stage. And I watched him closely. He sang amazingly! Very soulful. He never once looked out at the crowd. And he didn't make eye contact with the camera.

I went to his Wikipedia page to find out more about his personality, but...

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